Conclusions weighing down…(This dark, infernal place…There is not a reason more to live)

I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no conclusions. Everything I want to do I don’t. Everything that’s stupid I usually do. Oh my god, is this an actually blog about me and giving a crap? No. Ridiculous. I stab things with a pencil looking for thoughts, hoping they pour out onto a laptop, which by the way, does NOT channel creativity very well. Piece of crap. College is coming, and honestly, I’m freaked. It’ll be a blast, but I have the overwhelming feeling like I’m gonna just go ahead and frack it up big time. I hope not. Hello future, I screwed you over. Here, have this swift kick in the rear. Thanks, and you’re welcome.

I ran across this thing called a “Blogathon” where people go ahead and sign up, find sponsors who donate money either hourly or just a flat rate, and then it goes to the bloggers charity of choice. It lasts 24 hours, and you have to post every half hour. It sounds like fun. Except the whole chained to the computer bit. I would do it, if I had sponsors…It would be fun. Unless it was a nice day. Then I’d say “Hello….laptop!”

I’m 18, and I want a knife and a tattoo. The more I listen too Hardcore music like Demon Hunter…the more I want a tattoo of an angel and a demon fighting, positioned on my back. Maybe have some cool scenery as well…Ravens, snakes…whatever. I’m going to do it. For sure. It will be on my back. I’m gonna try and get the person who did Drew’s tattoo to do it. She has a cool graphic novel look to her work.

The Tide Began To Rise.

I really like doing stuff “behind the scenes”, like interning and other stuff at church. I find more satisfaction helping out and doing stuff that needs to be done, rather then just chilling in the chairs. It’s fun.  Being involved, connected, focusing more.

Fire To My Soul

There is really no musing to do. It’s past 12, I’m up, listening to music. I have nothing else to do. So why not? Musing is ridiculous. The word is too. The band is awesome though. Journalism is random musing. But organized.

(If this is all the love my spirit can give…)

Just take it back tonight. Confused.

Care.

I’ll rant later. I just can’t. I need to write. Personal? No. Just write.

~ by rakeif on July 23, 2007.